Vivid Memories

This is just a quick little entry because I thought of something random about Mikelle. I figure no matter how short an entry, it's good to write as often as possible.
 So while putting my son to bed, and reading bedtime stories to him, he was sounding out some "sight words". It lead to a discussion about how to spell a million different things. Of course. Anyways he said "closer kuh-kuh-closer. Closer starts with K. K makes the kuh sound just like closer". It was adorable by the way. I told him that it actually starts with C. That's when I remembered something.
When I was young and expanding my reading skills, Mikelle would get a kick out of me trying to read ingredients on different boxes or cans etc. I pronounced sugar like "cigar" one time, and I can vividly remember Mikelle's huge smile spread across her red face and excited laugh. She was completely unable to contain herself, and choking from the laughter. Covering her mouth and saying "she just said cigar!!". Same goes for my mom and dad who were laughing right along with her. I of course enjoyed being the center of attention. I am pretty sure they had me read 3 or 4 different words on this box before informing me of my mistake. This proceeded to be a nightly tradition at dinner time for a while.
I love remembering goofy things like that. I especially love when I can actually see her face in my mind, clearly, and perfectly. It's rare now, being able to see her as something other than the missing poster picture. I forget how she sounded and moved. I absolutely cherish these moments when I remember. When I feel like I am reliving it.
Today has been rough, lots of errands and in and out of the car. Tayven was seriously testing my patience all damn day. I have a headache. I haven't been feeling well. I was in a horrid mood right up until I pictured Mikelle laughing. Now I sit here smiling (and crying) and feeling ever so grateful to have my stubborn child testing my patience. Side note, he hugged me and rubbed my head and told me he loved me to the moon and back before going to sleep. (Melting!) Even on my hardest days, even when I am ready to punch the wall, or scream into a pillow, I try to remember how lucky I am. Despite everything that has happened, despite this tragedy, I have not lost my child. I do not know the pain my parents do. I honestly can't fathom how I would go on with out Tayven, no matter the circumstance. For that, I thank you Mikelle. In the most random, round about way, you have taught me patience, and gratefulness in ways that I never thought I would know. Also I thank you for your laugh, and your smile, and your mischievousness. Oh so sly! That reminds me of another time..
I remember when I finished cleaning my room I told my mom it was clean. Either Mikelle offered to check it or my mom asked her to go check it. Not sure which, but she came back after about 10 seconds and said "I checked it" and my mom said "ok? is it clean?" her response "I don't know I just checked it". At some point after a back and forth between them we all walked to my room and my mom said "show me how you checked it" and so Mikelle proceeded to walk up to the wall in my room and with her finger "drew" and check mark on the wall. She burst out laughing and said "see!? I checked it! get it?" and walked away quite amused with herself.
She also brought my dad a milkshake one time. When he saw it he said "that's a glass of milk". She said "No I made you a milkshake". I was curious so I asked her to make me one. I followed her to the kitchen where she poured a glass of milk and then shook it. Handed it to me and said "Milk! Shake!". I was not amused but she giggled and was obviously proud of herself.
We both get our sarcastic humor and "punny-ness" from our dad I think. Actually all of us kids got that.
Now that I am sitting here just typing anything that comes to mind, it feels really good. I am remembering more and more little tid bits. So much for a short entry! But in all seriousness if I sat here long enough I could write dozens of little memories. Some I remember more than others. But I am grateful for them. I wish my siblings had them the way I do. Nathan of course has some but he was only 4 (actually about to be 5) when it happened. But Lynelle was only 9 months old. Sometimes I actually feel guilty when sharing memories because she doesn't have any. I have to remind myself that she likes to hear these things because it keeps Mikelle real, and alive in her mind. Stories are all she can have of her big sister. So I will tell them to my dying day. Lynelle I love you, and I wish you knew firsthand how much you are similar to Mikelle. Your artistic ability especially! I consider myself very lucky and proud to be your big sister but still deeply wish I was just one of your sister here to tell you like it is, and support you no matter what. Mikelle would have been one bad ass big sister. I can just imagine her putting her slyness into play in her teens. Nathan speaking of similarities, you and your epic dad jokes and goofiness is such a likeness to Mikelle. I don't know if you know that but you are as funny and smart as her. I am so proud of who you are and am constantly amazed by your knowledge and passion to learn. It really reminds me of her so much. I love you and I hope you know the connection you have with Mikelle.
Alright so apparently this entry turned into a letter to my siblings. Sorry not sorry. Well as I said before I could go on and on but I think I will save more stories for a later date, when I am not ready for bed! Thank you all for reading, and learning about who Mikelle was. I want people to know her as a unique person. Not just a picture on a flyer.
Mikelle I love you. Thank you for the vivid memories.