Unopened Letters from a 9 year old

My good friend Ashley, inspired me to write as if I were writing a letter to Mikelle. I decided to make it like a series. I'll be posting letters written from my perspective at various ages. This might be more for my sake than anything. But I hope it helps others who are going through this. I hope it helps people to understand me better.


January 3, 1999

Mikelle,

   I thought yesterday was just a bad dream. I still don't feel like I am awake. This doesn't feel real. Why won't you come home? Is it my fault I left you alone? Are you ok? Today is a blur. All our family is coming to town to find you. Are you hiding? Is this just a joke? I keep having to talk to policeman about you. I keep telling them the same thing. You left my bike in the road. I don't know why. I think something bad happened to you. I hope you come home today and tell us you just went on an adventure. I am sorry I was mad at you when we were waiting for the ice cream truck. I was cold and tired. I didn't mean to leave you alone.
Love,
Kimber

January 5, 1999
Mikelle,
   It's been 3 days. I'm supposed to go back to school today. But I'm not. Kelly is taking me out for the day. Mom said a bad man took you. Why would anyone want to do that? I have so many questions. I just want to cry. But I can't. I have to be strong for Nathan and Lynelle. I have to take care of them for Mom and Dad. I want Mom and Dad to hold me and tell me it's ok. But they can't. They have to look for you. I keep hearing the policeman talking about a 72 hour window. They said that's 3 days. They said that is the most important time to look for you. It's been 3 days. Is our time up? Are you ok? Is someone hurting you? Or are you with nice people? You won't have a new family will you? I had a dream about you last night. You came home but didn't know us. You thought you had another family. It's all because I left you alone. I am so sorry I left you alone. Please come home. Please remember us. Please.
Love,
Kimber


January 20, 1999
  Mikelle,
  Today is Nathan's 5th birthday. It doesn't seem right to celebrate. You have been gone for 18 days. That is the longest I have ever been away from you. Lynelle is just a baby. She needs you. You're her biggest sister! Nathan needs you! He is so quiet and confused. I need you. I don't know how to be the oldest. I hardly remember anything over the past few weeks. I don't like going to school. Everyone asks me about you. Sometimes they are mean. I cry myself to sleep every night. I know I shouldn't have left you alone. I know it's my fault. I hope you aren't mad at me. Please forgive me.
Love,
Kimber


February 2, 1999
   Mikelle,
   It's been a month since you disappeared. Everyone says you vanished. They are fliers everywhere. I look for you everywhere. Every time I see a trash bag on the side of the freeway I am worried its you. They say you might not be alive now. They say we might be looking for your body. I am scared to sleep at night. I am afraid of the bad man taking me too. Mom goes in your room and cries sometimes. Dad gets too sad to see your room. He closes the door. I get sick if I go in there. But sometimes I just look at your stuff. You are so good at drawing. I wish I could sit on your bed while I read, like we used to. It hurts to think about you. But I want to talk about you. I wish I could. But I cry when I do. I can't focus at school. Everyone knows me now. They know me because I am your sister. They know what happened. Kali has been really nice to me though. I think she misses you. We all miss you.
Love,
Kimber

I had every intention to write more "letters" in this post but.. I can't at the moment. It is tearing me apart. The feelings I expressed above are rushing back to me. I remember all this. It's all too real right now. Mikelle, I love you.